letting it out

Have you ever had a bad day, but nothing really even went wrong? That's how today has been. Actually that is how the last couple of weeks have been. Nothing that bad has happened but I feel depressed and I can't snap out of it. I'm not saying that every minute of the day I feel this way, but a lot of the time I do.
It started about 2 weeks ago when I started my period. That is not a good thing if you are trying to have a baby. My period is so messed up. I usually only have one about every 6 months and they are very heavy. This time I only went 4 months and it wasn't too heavy but I still had bad cramps and it lasted more than a week. When I have a period at least I know I am ovulating but it is so irregular it is impossable to calculate the best days to try to make the baby I so desperatly want. I don't know why I want another child so bad. I just feel like I was ment to have more than one baby. Anyhow, I am feeling low about the baby thing. I don't know why I get my hopes up only to have them crushed.
It feels better to get this all out. I don't talk to my husband about a lot of this because he has heard it all so many times before. He dosn't understand how I feel. I know he wants another baby but he feels like if it was ment to be it will happen. Who cares if I feel it was ment to be. Why can't he understand wow I feel. I know I am the one with the fertility problem. I feel it is my fault we can't get pregnant-another contributor to my depression.
This evening I had a bad time. I felt like nothing I did was right. I was so moody everyone was avoiding me. What I really needed was for Curtis to hold me and never let go. I needed him to let me cry, get his chest wet with my tears, let me sob and let it all out. What I got was a back turned to me and snoring 2 minutes later. I think this is where the trouble sleeping is coming from. It happened again last night. Hopefully I can sleep better tonight after getting this all out.
I guess I have bitched enough. I really need to get to bed. I have to get up early. I am going to go to some garage sales with my friend, Larry.