Negative

Why do I put my self through this every month. I took another pregnancy test today and as always it was negative. I knew it would be. You can't get pregnant if you don't ovulate, but I always have that small glimmer of hope, in the back of my head, that this month could be the one that is positive. I guess I should go back to the doctor and see what can be done. I don't know why I don't go. I guess I am afraid of what they might tell me. What if I have something wrong and I can't ever have another baby. I am greatful that I have Zane. I just wish he wasn't growing up so fast.

On a brighter note, Curtis came home early today, but he isn't spending any time with me. He is fixing my car. I don't know anything about cars but I think there is a hole in the pipe going to the muffler. It is very loud and embarrassing to drive. He is also going to be home tomorrow so we are going to bond in the morning. Tomorrow evening we are going to get our Christmas pictures taken and I hope to do a little Christmas idea shopping.

Zane has a huge list of things he wants. I do want to get him some of the stuff but I can't find some of it. He wants the Star Wars Lego Imperial Walker. They were in the stores this summer, but I have looked for them at the stores and online now and can't find them. I told Zane that I couldn't find it anywhere and I didn't know if Santa would be able to find it and he told me that Santa could just have his elves make it. I didn't know what to say. What if Santa can't find it and his elves don't know how to make it. I hope he isn't too upset.

I guess I have gone on long enough. For all of you who care, I am not that upset about the test result. I have gotten use to it. I will try not to be depressed or moody.
Randi